DailyPost Prompt: Embarrassing

Short post today, mostly because I’d rather not think of the plethora of things I find embarrassing about myself… whoops…

I, like a lot of people who deal with chronic illness, get to deal with comorbidity.

My personal combo of hemiplegic migraine and endometriosis means that I can’t really take the most commonly prescribed medications for either disorder. Amongst a host of other things, this means that neither of my disorders is ever actually treated [1].

One of the symptoms I have which (as of yet) no one has been able to decide the source of is the weird way I walk.

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Muybridge Plate 006-1 (Walking) https://youtu.be/F02hbpOCXZQ Plate: http://www.muybridge.org/Animal-Locamotion-finished-1/Animal-Locamotion-Vol-1/i-cp4LTpH/A

It’s not really that noticeable that I walk with a bit of a limp. And a big part of that, I think, is just how inconsistent of a limp it is. A lot of the time I’ll just be walking along fine when my right leg will give out.

My doctors and I know with certainty that I have endometrial tissue on top of my right sciatic nerve, so it could be that the endometriosis is the culprit. On the other hand we also know that I experience varying degrees of hemiplegia, which again could be the issue. I’ve been through a couple rounds of physiotherapy, regardless, and I can now usually tell when I’m going to have a “weak” day, and I do my best to use a cane to get around on those days. Unfortunately sometimes I miss (or ignore) the signals, and end up struggling to get around.

Because of my age (ie. I Am Not 100) I get a lot of comments regarding my cane use which keeps me from using my cane effectively:

  • Was skiing worth it?
  • Did you slip playing soccer or something?

Of course the comments I get when I collapse are probably worse, in my opinion [2]:

  • Oh my gosh is she [sic] drunk?
  • If you have epilepsy you probably shouldn’t be wandering around alone…

While I say one is worse, I find that both experiences are embarrassing. Not only am I visibly not in control of my body, but I’m also apparently in such distress that people feel the need to comment about it.

A friend of mine, with regard to something else I find annoying/embarrassing, decided to give me the perfect thing to tell myself anytime someone thinks it’s okay to comment on my body:

womp

Truly.


[1] I was diagnosed with HM by a process of exclusion a few years ago, but there are a handful of other disorders that might be causing my symptoms. Every once and awhile my GP will try testing me for something different, but nothing else fits as well as HM thus far. He does try to keep up with “triaging” my disorders, though, and is really good about helping me out when I get particularly symptomatic.

[2] Only “worse” because it seems as though people assume I hurt myself having a good time when I have my cane, but assume that I’m irresponsible when I collapse. I only wish I were as fun as people seem to think I am.

This post was prompted by today’s Daily Prompt: Embarrassing.

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