5 things understanding my PTSD has given me:

There isn’t a whole lot redeeming about mental illness. That being said I’ve made it my mission the last couple of weeks to try to figure out some good/neutral things that my mental illness allows me.

  1. The necessity to question everything.
    1. This is a skill some people have to spend years cultivating, and even then I would doubt they live with as much skepticism/cynicism as I Need to just to get through the day.
  2. Thousands of hours of therapy.
    1. I’m no longer afraid of the mental health complex, because I’ve been through it enough times that it can’t really surprise me anymore.
  3. The inhibition to cry in public.
    1. There was a time where walking through the grocery store would put me in tears. Which, frankly, is preferable to Not Crying Ever (which is how I spent over a decade). After you’ve had a grocery clerk comment on your sadness in public there’s not a lot that seems legitimately embarrassing anymore.
  4. Perfectionism (or rather the occasional lack thereof).
    1. I’m definitely a perfectionist. It takes me a long time to get things to where I’ll be happy with them. Generally speaking, though, whatever level of perfectionism I have helps me to succeed.
  5. The ability to vocalize exactly what it is I think I need at any given time.
    1. This sounds like something a lot of people do, but trust me when I say that it’s not. And even for myself it was a skill hard earned. Never will I say that I Know What I Need, but even being able to just express my own thoughts in a semi-coherent fashion is pretty damn good in my books.

As a bonus point–since not everything can be spinned posi–please know the absolute shittiest thing to come of understanding my PTSD:

  1. Much like a news reporter describing a train derailment I can explain, with quite a bit of detail, why and how I do things. That being said, I often find myself at a loss as to how to prevent myself from doing negative things, or to increase the likelihood I’ll do positive things. Being able to explain myself is a very useful skill. Feeling helpless to do anything about the things which I’m able to explain sucks ass.

Save

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s